I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
lol hangovers are for mortals.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
