I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
