One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Mom said you looked used
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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