I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
