It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm always down for nudity.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
