You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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