Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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