i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
