Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
