For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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