im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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