I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
