3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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