i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
