One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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