sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize