Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize