You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
