she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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