once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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