you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
