I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
