They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize
