bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
