are you still at the devil's house?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
