so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
