Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
