so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
