Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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