We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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