i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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