He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
