She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
