Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
