I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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