you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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