I'm so fucking centered right now
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
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