I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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