Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
