Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
