around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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