Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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