I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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