So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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