I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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