1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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