The maid of honor just puked.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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