I wannas sexs uuuuu
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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