So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
