Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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