i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
