I don't usually arrange sex via text message
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
