i think i have herpe
just one?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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