note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
