life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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