end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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