My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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