dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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