Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
