I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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