when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
