Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
