dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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