dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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