They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
