i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
